Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Food Nazis

We've all heard the term 'he's a growing lad.' I've had it bandied about while I've been piling down someone elses tea once mine had gone, but those days are behind me now.

It would be fairly obvious to say that the older kids get, the more they will probably need to eat. Of course there are exceptions, such as fat kids or fussy kids, but for this rant we shall use an example of a child that eats fairly normally.

All of this stuff is obvious. Many people have had kids and have fed them a sufficient amount of food to maintain their vitality, if you will.

So why then do restaurants think that they can dictate what point a child has to start eating adult sizes?

If you look at a menu in a restaurant, you will see that there is, more often than not, a separate section for children's food. Usually consisting of chicken nuggets, small pizzas and fish fingers.

Now I take issue with a number of things with these menus in mind. First of all, why do they think kids eat nothing but balls of chicken covered in breadcrumbs, similarly set up sticks of fish and cheese and tomato bread? It's not very often you will see a kids menu that deviates much from those three examples. Perhaps the odd spaghetti based meal.

Secondly, how do they decide the age limit? Surely this should be up to the guardians of these children, as most other things are. Is there a legal responsibility to impose such rules on parents taking their children out for something nice to eat?

And with these rules, I'm fairly sure the flexibility of them is not bending both ways. If you had a child who could stomach the majority of an adult size meal, you could order one with no issues whatsoever. Yet, if you (say, a 25 year old adult) didn't feel like you could down a whole pizza and chips alone, and you took it upon yourself to order a kids size chicken nuggets meal then it would be a completely different story. And even if there was no problem, you definitely know that the waitress will be glaring at you as some tight fisted con-artist.

And last, and by no means least, the drinks you get with them. Fair enough if they're offering a small apple juice or orange juice. Even a glass of Coke. But why would you serve an evil drink like Fruit Shoot with it?

People are paying you good money to serve them food and give them a pleasant break from the monotone of working life. Why serve up a liquid dose of cocaine designed specifically for kids? They go nuts off it. That's not a break.

So next time I go to a restaurant, I'm going to wreck the waitress' head and order my nephews two mixed grills and me and the missus can have dinky pizzas and bottled up tablets.

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