Car Modification

(Based on original blog, wrote on 19th November 2007)

I read an article by the man legend that is Jeremy Clarkson the other day. Yes I was on the toilet; that's what lads do on the bog! It's an actual counter argument to the popular woman theory that men cannot multi-task. I assure you ladies, that we can. Also, it's a man thing which makes us feel more intelligent. And ensures we read daily. But I'm going off track, I shall continue...

Anyways, I read the article and it was wound around the notion that people who rag around in little shit box motors are fucking it up for the people who have a genuine love for cars. They are the prominent thought when someone brings up the term 'petrol head' or 'car freak' as I'm so commonly called. You imagine little boy racers in tweaked up hot hatches trying to impress people by driving like a complete and utter twat in busy built up areas. Not the refined types who simply see the beauty of a car for what it is.

I see cars and look at the shapes, the lines, the details in the lights and the way the size of the wheels fit in with the cars size and stance. I open the bonnet and don't stand there feeling manly. I know about engines, and although I don't feel I'd be able to fix one, I sure enough know how to fucking appreciate one. And I do feel that the majority of boy racers are fucking it up for the people like myself, who see a car and think 'fuck me that is a sight to behold!' And this is my argument.

I love cars. I love going fast in cars and realising a car's full potential, yet realise that in the middle of Orrel Park, going fast is clearly a dangerous thing to do! On the M62 at 3am in the morning isn't nearly as dangerous. That's why when we breach the 100mph mark, it's always an empty road! It's a stroke of common sense really!

And then there is the design of cars! It's reaching new heights these days. Wind tunnels are used in the design for family cars. You can't grumble at that! A new Seat Leon holds the same amount of interest to me as the new Lamborghini. The modern design of the car is brilliant. It's interesting and can keep your attention for longer than 5 seconds.

Then there's the technological advances we now currently enjoy. The Bugatti Veyron is a wonderful machine to look at but what really makes car people wet their pants is the technology lying underneath all of the CFRP (which is the proper name for carbon fibre ladies and gentlemen!) It has 1000bhp, which in laymans terms is a biblical amount of power! It has the pulling power of 10 1.6 Vauxhall Astras! It has ANOTHER 1000bhp, to cool the engine down! Which means it has the sheer power of about 25 Grand National line-ups. Just to make sure the engine stays at a reasonable temperature. Imagine that air conditioning in your house!

So my point I'm trying to make is that all of these boy racers knocking about in their Nova's (which funny enough, in Spanish, Nova actually means doesn't go! Interesting fact for you!) and their Saxo's are not the real car enthusiasts! They add spoilers to 'enhance aerodynamic effects!' The Escort Cosworth's whale tail spoiler actually lowers the car's top speed by 12mph. Which is why the rally going version of the car drove out with a different spoiler. Yet a lot of car modifiers, with their knowledge and all, didn't believe me and called me for all sorts.

They throw carbon fibre shite all over the car to 'lower weight!' What they're actually doing is throwing carbon fibre effect stuff on, which is the same material underneath carbon effect sheets which is actually heavier. And they do this in entirely inappropriate places. The wing mirrors! What physical effect will that have? A BMW CSL has a CFRP roof because it makes the roof lighter, lowering the car's centre of gravity, making handling the monster of an engine much easier. This act will have no effect on a N reg Vauxhall Corsa.

Neon lights? What effect does that have? It's the funniest thing I've ever seen! A Renault Clio driving past pretending to be a spaceship! You're driving a car! You must be over the age of 17, earning money to fund it! You should have grown out of this by now!

I hope I've taught you a thing or two! I love cars, as you probably will have guessed by now and I've always got time for someone who wants to gab about the new Aston Martin or even the new Fiat 500! My closing thought for this is that if car modifiers, petrol heads or tuners! Whatever you want to call them! If they love cars so much, then why the fuck are they hell bent on changing them?