Wednesday, 21 January 2009


Now this blog was born from the keen urge to do sod all and sit on the toilet. And play Tetris. The most miraculous thinking place for any good writer. But the problem was, this was during work hours. And natural needs are to be thrown out of the window. Or you'll be sacked.

And this had me thinking of the perfect type of job. There's the jobs which are rewarding like building houses for the homeless or volunteering for a charity of some sort. You go home with a sense of pride, only to find there's no bread. Then there's the very highly paid jobs such as a film star or a football player. You go home on top of the world because everyone knows who you are, only to find there's too much bread. And I'm not questioning the fact that football players earn more in a month than Gordon Brown earns in a year. The skills some of those lads possess are phenomenal. You try shooting snot out of your nose without getting any on your shirt!

But then there's the more realistic jobs. The jobs that I, and possibly you, have to have. It's the run of the mill jobs. I currently work in a call centre on customer service for a fairly well known company. And I get by, plodding along all day answering the phone and writing notes. Then answering the phone. Then writing notes. Continue until bored.

And I've done a fair few different jobs. I've worked in a pub. Which basically means you're getting paid a shit wage to put on weight, get pissed and work unsociable hours. No thanks. I've also been a Youth Worker. Which was well paid and rewarding at the same time. But it posed the same problem as every job, form of education and civic duty rolled into one. When you go for a shit, people ask where you are.

And how long you've been there. Now I'm not sure how high up people place going for a number two, but I can assure you that I'm not alone in my love of the sacred dump. Many many people indulge in the epiphany shite. I've even got my favourite toilet in work! Third one along. It's got a smoke alarm above it too so no risk of second hand smoke!

So the perfect job is apparent. It's not the one that makes you feel fuzziest. It's not the one that pays the most. It's the one that doesn't time you when you go for a shite!

1 comment:

  1. Good work. My previous job was ace for it. One night after a curry I calculated I earned around £2.67 that day for having two dumps.

    Although you failed to discuss the perennial problem of the sandpaper which can potentially lead to problems once you get past 40.