(Blog first wrote 4th January 2008)
For fuck's sake! Why? Why do people do it? Why do people make these adverts to put them on the telly when, clearly, the average age of the viewer is around 11-16! Just prior to the age when you finally start to weigh things up in life with an adult head on your shoulders!
For example! A girl, clearly about 15, standing in a nightclub by the bar with some lad! I don't know if he's remotely attractive or not, nor care! This girl's clearly a bit interested! So, in the most abnormal bit of teenage behaviour I've ever seen in my entire life, she reaches for her phone and taps in LOVE2 and then her name (KATE) and his name (TOM) and sends it to some godforsaken 60 something number! This will clearly cost about £3, which will be taken off her Pay and Go credit or the phone bill her gobshite parents are obviously paying for!
So I'll explain the apparent reason for this bizarre new mating trend! If you text LOVE2 JIM STEVE to 60222 or something like that, you'll recieve a message saying how compatible you both are! Splendid! If only we could use this!
Of course, the girl on the ad recieved her text back! With a 9% compatibility! Oh dear, poor old Tom! She then goes on to swill Tom with her drink and walk off! Charming girl, I'm sure!
Yet I know that this advert is not going to make me text 60781 or whatever! I've got a fair shroud of common sense hanging around me, mixed in with a nice double shot of sensibility! But it's not me I'm worrying about! It's everyone else!
It's silly little teenage girls who think that they're going to find out the name of their firstborn child by texting BABY1 to 60771! And it will cost them £4 for the privelage! Even better! They'll keep recieving texts from the same shower of nazi twats, which will cost the another £1.50 or so for each text, telling them what their NEXT unborn child will be called! Even drunk people may text these things for a laugh, and end up being shafted for £30 off their phone bill every month, with no way of stopping it!
Or even better! Lots of girls will go out on a date with you, providing they've text the digital Cupid on 60891 to find out whether or not you've got bally crawlies!
But then you'll have to pay for everything because these girls will be skint after being fleeced daily by some tits who sell ringtones! But as hard as you try, they'll fuck you off eventually anyway. Because phone Cupid will text them to say you're cheating on them, with another man!
So a message to any would be romantics out there! Find out what the person is like by engaging conversation! Laugh, joke, talk about deep meaningful stuff like religious beliefs or football! Have a fumble in a side alley! Find out if you like each other, the good old fashioned way!
And if a girl is texting on her phone and you see her typing a 60 number in, run for the fucking hills! Or swill her, as you may aswell get the dig in before phone Cupid tells her you're bent!